Throughout Scripture, God is called our Father and in the New Testament, Jesus Christ is called our Bridegroom. If God created these relationships and identifies Himself in these roles, it’s obvious that He prioritizes with those identities. The two most powerful relationships in our world are those of husband and wife, and parent and child.
Some of us are so prone to getting consumed with the ministry in the pretext: ‘Surely the family will understand - I'm doing the Lord's work’. We ought not to forget that God established the home as the first institution - even before the church. When our years have come to an end and the castles of our ministry stand tall and strong, we surely don’t want to be holding on to only a fistful of air. "Exploit or abuse your family, and end up with a fistful of air …” (Proverbs 11:29, The Message).
When people are not investing in the family it is usually a direct reflection of their true values. There is a big difference between the values we claim to possess and those we actually operate on in our daily lives. "My Lord comes first; then my wife and family; finally my profession as a servant of God to His people.” We say that with the best intentions but does it actually reflect in our life? It will only take the close call of an accident or a lost child at a busy shopping centre to bring the issue to forefront of our minds?
Do we have to say ‘yes’ to every opportunity for an expanded ministry? March to the mission that Jesus Christ has called you to, not the mission that others are pressurizing you to. Be ruthless here! Jettison from your schedule those items that aren't important. In trying to become all things to all people, if we are constantly reacting to whatever situation (big or small) that pops up, or if we have some compulsive need to be available to everyone all the time (24/7), the chance of finding balance is rather remote.
Bible doesn't use the word ‘balance’ in describing the relationship between one's spouse and children and one's calling into a particular ministry. There's no room for better ‘balance.’ The metaphor is in itself wrong. In the end, you simply can't do more of both. You have to make some painful choices on how much is enough?
How much money - to compensate you for your work?
How many material goods are enough for you?
How much public glory to satisfy your ego? Perhaps ladder-climbing pursuits at work or preoccupation with hobbies and personal comfort?
How much time - to devote to your family? Some of us try to continue with ministry obligations at the same pace and level of involvement prior to being married or having children. For some people - that's fine!
How much opportunity for private reflection?
I have had to learn to tell people that "I have commitments to family right now, but I would be happy to set a mutually convenient time when we can talk or meet." Obviously, there are some genuine emergencies that come up and sometimes plans do have to be rearranged, but honestly, how many of these so-called pressing matters are in reality emergencies? Perhaps you’re one who runs to the rescue of others without contemplating if the issue could be handled over the phone, delegated, or scheduled for another day. You can't accomplish the mission single-handedly, so stop trying! In ministry, we have to face the fact that we cannot do everything. There are times we realize that something will have to go! Remember, it’s not your ministry; it’s the Lord’s ministry. He is also the one who causes it to advance.
Some of us have the uncanny ability to be within the four walls of our house, and yet not at home! Either the sermon is on the computer, or the Bible class is being researched and prepared for. Being within the walls of our home is not the same thing as being home. Have you ever asked students to call out words that define the memories of their fathers? Many words that are called out are negative words: ‘absent,’ ‘domineering’ and ‘detached.’ If your children were asked to call out words that defined your parenting, or if your spouse was reviewing your life at your funeral service, what words would they use?
To spend time with one's spouse or children is not a "duty" but a "privilege" from the hand of the gracious God who blessed us with them in the first place. We must be willing to spend money (a renewable resource) for things like domestic help, ironing clothes, etc to make time (a non-renewable resource) for relationship building. A spouse doesn't share intimacies on command and teenagers don't need us on schedule. We have to be available for them at their time. We can spend time with them only before the nest empties. Our children are arrows that are being sent to a world that we will never fully see. It's our job to shape them into arrows that will fly straight and travel the distance to the Kingdom target that God has intended for them.
Those of us who are employed and get involved in ministry simultaneously end up being busier on weekends and holidays. We need to learn to use our eligible earned leave to take an annual vacation and observe a weekly day of rest. We have a tendency to forego taking consistent time out for personal renewal. There are two reasons to take time off from ministry. First, even Jesus Christ took time to get away from the crowds and be refreshed. Secondly, we are not Jesus! Are you spending adequate time with the Lord? Anointed ministry flows from a vital relationship with Jesus Christ. Interact with God daily. He’s not as concerned with the size of your ministry, youth group, or budget as He is with you.
Some of us struggle in the other direction: we are invested in the family but consider ministry as too costly to the family. We are teaching our children and/or spouse that they are the center of our life, not God. Why don't we trust Him? Do we really believe that He will allow our family life to develop while serving Him? Do we want our legacy to be our children uninterested in a lifestyle of sacrificial living for God? Not caring about the lost, the needy? Consumed with their own feelings and wants? Perhaps the key element in victorious Christian living is developing the ability and willingness to sacrifice. Only with sacrifice can God develop our character and use us to impact others for Him. If we don't teach our family to sacrifice, we will have a spoiled, self-centered family. Many have expressed fear that our children might grow up associating Christian fellowship with having their parents abandoning them in evenings "to serve Christ". We must remember that our marriage and family's spiritual vitality improves as our character changes toward the likeness of Jesus Christ. Consistent involvement in Christian fellowship where we develop significant, ongoing ministry (and are served), study of the word, and prayer – all work together through His Spirit to transform us into His likeness. These activities MUST take us from the family on some evenings, but we should come back a better person of God – a better spouse and a better parent.
Some of us are so prone to getting consumed with the ministry in the pretext: ‘Surely the family will understand - I'm doing the Lord's work’. We ought not to forget that God established the home as the first institution - even before the church. When our years have come to an end and the castles of our ministry stand tall and strong, we surely don’t want to be holding on to only a fistful of air. "Exploit or abuse your family, and end up with a fistful of air …” (Proverbs 11:29, The Message).
When people are not investing in the family it is usually a direct reflection of their true values. There is a big difference between the values we claim to possess and those we actually operate on in our daily lives. "My Lord comes first; then my wife and family; finally my profession as a servant of God to His people.” We say that with the best intentions but does it actually reflect in our life? It will only take the close call of an accident or a lost child at a busy shopping centre to bring the issue to forefront of our minds?
Do we have to say ‘yes’ to every opportunity for an expanded ministry? March to the mission that Jesus Christ has called you to, not the mission that others are pressurizing you to. Be ruthless here! Jettison from your schedule those items that aren't important. In trying to become all things to all people, if we are constantly reacting to whatever situation (big or small) that pops up, or if we have some compulsive need to be available to everyone all the time (24/7), the chance of finding balance is rather remote.
Bible doesn't use the word ‘balance’ in describing the relationship between one's spouse and children and one's calling into a particular ministry. There's no room for better ‘balance.’ The metaphor is in itself wrong. In the end, you simply can't do more of both. You have to make some painful choices on how much is enough?
How much money - to compensate you for your work?
How many material goods are enough for you?
How much public glory to satisfy your ego? Perhaps ladder-climbing pursuits at work or preoccupation with hobbies and personal comfort?
How much time - to devote to your family? Some of us try to continue with ministry obligations at the same pace and level of involvement prior to being married or having children. For some people - that's fine!
How much opportunity for private reflection?
I have had to learn to tell people that "I have commitments to family right now, but I would be happy to set a mutually convenient time when we can talk or meet." Obviously, there are some genuine emergencies that come up and sometimes plans do have to be rearranged, but honestly, how many of these so-called pressing matters are in reality emergencies? Perhaps you’re one who runs to the rescue of others without contemplating if the issue could be handled over the phone, delegated, or scheduled for another day. You can't accomplish the mission single-handedly, so stop trying! In ministry, we have to face the fact that we cannot do everything. There are times we realize that something will have to go! Remember, it’s not your ministry; it’s the Lord’s ministry. He is also the one who causes it to advance.
Some of us have the uncanny ability to be within the four walls of our house, and yet not at home! Either the sermon is on the computer, or the Bible class is being researched and prepared for. Being within the walls of our home is not the same thing as being home. Have you ever asked students to call out words that define the memories of their fathers? Many words that are called out are negative words: ‘absent,’ ‘domineering’ and ‘detached.’ If your children were asked to call out words that defined your parenting, or if your spouse was reviewing your life at your funeral service, what words would they use?
To spend time with one's spouse or children is not a "duty" but a "privilege" from the hand of the gracious God who blessed us with them in the first place. We must be willing to spend money (a renewable resource) for things like domestic help, ironing clothes, etc to make time (a non-renewable resource) for relationship building. A spouse doesn't share intimacies on command and teenagers don't need us on schedule. We have to be available for them at their time. We can spend time with them only before the nest empties. Our children are arrows that are being sent to a world that we will never fully see. It's our job to shape them into arrows that will fly straight and travel the distance to the Kingdom target that God has intended for them.
Those of us who are employed and get involved in ministry simultaneously end up being busier on weekends and holidays. We need to learn to use our eligible earned leave to take an annual vacation and observe a weekly day of rest. We have a tendency to forego taking consistent time out for personal renewal. There are two reasons to take time off from ministry. First, even Jesus Christ took time to get away from the crowds and be refreshed. Secondly, we are not Jesus! Are you spending adequate time with the Lord? Anointed ministry flows from a vital relationship with Jesus Christ. Interact with God daily. He’s not as concerned with the size of your ministry, youth group, or budget as He is with you.
Some of us struggle in the other direction: we are invested in the family but consider ministry as too costly to the family. We are teaching our children and/or spouse that they are the center of our life, not God. Why don't we trust Him? Do we really believe that He will allow our family life to develop while serving Him? Do we want our legacy to be our children uninterested in a lifestyle of sacrificial living for God? Not caring about the lost, the needy? Consumed with their own feelings and wants? Perhaps the key element in victorious Christian living is developing the ability and willingness to sacrifice. Only with sacrifice can God develop our character and use us to impact others for Him. If we don't teach our family to sacrifice, we will have a spoiled, self-centered family. Many have expressed fear that our children might grow up associating Christian fellowship with having their parents abandoning them in evenings "to serve Christ". We must remember that our marriage and family's spiritual vitality improves as our character changes toward the likeness of Jesus Christ. Consistent involvement in Christian fellowship where we develop significant, ongoing ministry (and are served), study of the word, and prayer – all work together through His Spirit to transform us into His likeness. These activities MUST take us from the family on some evenings, but we should come back a better person of God – a better spouse and a better parent.
