A World Health Organisation report
tabled in June 2013 states that violence against women worldwide has assumed
epidemic proportions with one in three suffering physical or sexual assault at
the hands of a man they know – a current or former partner. Thirty eight per
cent of women killed worldwide were victims of their own intimate partners. The
report defined physical violence as being slapped, pushed, punched, choked or
being attacked with a weapon. Sexual violence was defined as being physically
forced to have sex – or having sex because a woman is afraid of what her
partner might do if she refuses.
Why do women put up with such
transgressions from their spouses? In asking this question, I am not blaming
the battered woman for the violence in her life but I am saying that she
continues to be a victim of her spouse only because she has chosen to stay
without precipitating the issue. Having listened to such victims, I can assume
some of the reasons: She may want a father for her kids. She may honestly love
all his good qualities and hope against hope that someday he will change. She
may not have the courage to leave. She may be afraid, legitimately, that if she
leaves, he will find her and kill her. Or hurt the kids. Or worse, succeed in
taking them away from her. She may be concerned of the social stigma if she
chooses to precipitate the issue and may not what to pain her parents who may
have spend their lifetime savings in getting her married to this jerk.
Why do men commit so much violence
against women? Jesus Christ said: ‘For from within, out of the heart of men,
proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness,
wickedness deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:
All these evil things pass out from inside and defile the man (Mark 7:21-23).
And when they do, why does society continue to allow it? Because it is not
often precipitated, not reported and when reported it does not get properly
punished. This is not merely an Indian or Asian phenomenon – it is global. Take
for example, Monica Seles. In 1990, aged just 16, she had become the
youngest-ever French Open Tennis champion. In 1993 while Seles was resting
during a break in play, a 38-year old unemployed tool maker plunged a 23
cm-long knife into her back. He was immediately over powered and arrested,
while a distraught Seles was rushed to hospital. At the court trial, the man
was given a mere two year suspended sentence. Due to the light sentence, Monica
Seles has never set foot on German soil again. “Germany is the country where
that man attacked me from behind, yet was not sufficiently punished,” she said
later in a television interview. “I cannot understand why this man did not have
to pay for his crime.”
When women in the public space sense
that they will be targeted and attacked, for no other reason than that they are
women, many choose to withdraw rather than fight it out. Even if there are laws
to protect women’s rights, the majority of women prefer to err on the side of
safety than take a chance, especially against the reality of our poorly
functioning criminal justice system.
What is urgently needed is a
rethinking of true masculinity. The world has stereotyped masculinity in some
of the following false prototypes:
- The Macho Man: Thinks that masculinity means muscles, meanness, and mastery of women
- The Playboy: Lacks sexual self-control, suffers from ‘Wandering Eye’ disease
- Mama’s boy: His mother still controls his life. Umbilical code not yet cut!
- Major General: As boss, husband, father, he keeps barking his orders
- Jellyfish: He allows others to walk over him and has no stand of his own
- Workaholic: His job is his priority, work controls him and he is restless without work.
- Zombie: Grew up thinking that a man should never show emotions, so he doesn't…
- Hobbyist: Loves his hobbies more than his family
We must instead ask is there a Biblical definition for true masculinity?
Instead of being conformed to the false prototypes dished out by the world we
must strive to renew our minds with the divine design. What are the parameters that
define the divine design for masculinity? From just one passage of Scripture (1
Timothy 3: 1-7) which outlines the qualifications for church elders, we can
discern the qualities that God is looking for in all men:
- Blameless: a lifestyle that is above reproach
- A one-woman man: not a flirt/womanizer
- Temperate: does not lose his physical, emotional and spiritual orientation
- Sober minded: Not given to extremes in thinking, judgment and action
- Hospitable: friendly and willing to help those in need
- Able to teach without arrogance – providing spiritual leadership in the home
- Not given to addictions like alcohol or drugs
- Not violent: free from temper tantrums with physical or verbal abuse
- Gentle: gracious, kind, forbearing and considerate
- Not quarrelsome: not argumentative
- Not greedy: preoccupied with money only
- Rules his own house well: good at providing for and managing the home
- Having children under submission: one who has learned to discipline children without irritating them (Col.3:21 GNB)
- Not a novice: One whose character has stood the test of time
- Having a good testimony and reputation in the market place
If only we would allow ourselves to be influenced by this divine
design, we would make the world a safer place to be for all – more so for
women.
Taking another passage of Scripture (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) that
defines the manifestations of true love we can discern true love by asking
questions like:
- Is he patient or is he in a hurry?
- Is he kind or hurtful in his ways?
- Is he jealous of others for what he doesn't have himself?
- Is he boastful, showing himself off?
- Is he arrogant, thinking too high of himself?
- Is he rude, forcing himself on others?
- Is he selfish, seeking only to meet his own needs?
- Is he easily angered for silly things?
- Does he hold grudges, keeping score of the sins of others?
- Does he hate sin, or does he compromise and put up with anything?
- Does he take pleasure in the flowering of truth?
- Will he bear with my weaknesses and endure hard times with hope?
If only women would be
more careful to discern the manifestations of true love while choosing their life partners,
they would make their personal world a safer place to be.
