Proactively Protecting Yourself from Worldly Flirting Stratagems
My Dear Daughter,
In a few months from now, you will be moving out for higher studies and then go on to work in a corporate office. It is my desire that you should be able to intentionally cultivate multiple, healthy, holy and equidistant friendships with those in the opposite sex. But in this fallen world, where we cannot trust all people we have to be very careful about sexual harassment and so I choose to write to you on this subject because for you to be forewarned is for you to be forearmed.
Under the sub titles ‘Worldly Flirting Stratagems’ I shall first describe to you some of the flirting strategies used by non-believer girls, ladies, or even teen girls (flirting usually begins during the teens). In the campus or work place these simple strategies ensure that these worldly women will never lack attention from the opposite sex! They will be popular; much sought after and may even climb the ladder called ‘success’ faster than you.
If this letter gets into wrong hands, I am afraid; those ‘aspiring-to-flirt’ and the ‘I-need-help-in-flirting’ ones would surely misuse it. My intention is to equip you, my daughter, to label flirty behaviour the moment you see it in girls or guys – that you would know what they are up to and why they do what they do. And also that you may realise that these stratagems are not really new for your generation – they must have been in use since the days of Sodom and Gomorrah.
Under the sub titles ‘Proactive Protective Strategies’ I give you my godly advice to keep yourself safe in this flirtatious world. When you follow these protective strategies, you may be branded as the odd one out. There may even be attempts to frame a case against you and victimise you for non-compliance to flirtatious demands. But that doesn’t matter: dare to be different and know that you are the pinch of salt (Mathew 5:13) which can make all the difference. In John 17: 15, 16 Jesus Christ prayed for you not to take you out of this world, but that you should be kept them from the evil one, knowing that just as He was, you too will not feel at home in this world. Romans 12:2 exhorts us not to be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of your mind, in order to prove what is that good and pleasing and perfect will of God.
1. The Dress
Worldly Flirting Stratagem: Girls are expected to always look sensuous. You don't need expensive designer clothing for that. What you basically need is excellently tailored clothes, which accentuate the right places on your body.
Proactive Protective Strategy: There is no virtue in being shabbily dressed but, my daughter, be modest and very careful about your dress. Avoid tights, low necks, tops with high slits, mini skirts, etc. Dress for the occasion such that you would not be taken note of for the sensuality of what you wear. It is safer to err on the side of not being bracketed with those who parade in the latest fad.
2. The Eyes:
Worldly Flirting Stratagem: The eyes can be your most effective tool for flirting. It's possible to make a guy's heart skip a beat by giving him a playful, lusty, or lingering stare. If you're walking by someone you've got the hots for, give him a 2-3 second stare and then slowly glance away (slow is important). Smile just as you start to look away. He'll get the message.
Proactive Protective Strategy: My daughter, in normal conversation you meet the eyes of the other person for a certain amount of time, then one or the other glances away. This is the way of conversation. But when a special feeling is developing for the other person, this is signalled by the prolonged stare. It is a promise of more to come. We know it when we see it. Godly Job made a covenant with his eyes (Job 31:1). Do not give opportunity for a lingering stare from someone you don’t trust. Looking straight back into the eyes of a guy/man who has a lingering stare on you, as if to ask, why are you staring at me, may in fact be the very compliment he was seeking. Instead refuse to reward the stare by ignoring it and proceed to tactfully reposition yourself as if his stare was not even taken notice of by you.
3. The Add Ons:
Worldly Flirting Stratagem: Always give guys a reason to talk to you: wear or bring something that can catch their attention such as unusual jewellery, flashy nail polish, an aromatic scent, a trendy hand bag, or an interesting book. These objects are natural conversation starters!
Proactive Protective Strategy: My daughter, do not be noted for the wrong reason. Instead, let them know that you are different in your faith and value system. Let your love for those who truly love the Lord Jesus Christ be the one factor that gets noted by your colleagues. (John 13: 35)
4. The Conversations:
Worldly Flirting Stratagem: Let the guys know or feel that you are interested in them. If you want them to communicate, LISTEN to them! Ask probing questions on personal matters. Move the conversation from facts and opinions to emotions and transparency. Empathise.
Proactive Protective Strategy: Trying to be an encouragement to a guy and helping him out in areas of his life outside the office is a sure invitation to emotional dependency. My daughter, if you have doubts on the intention of a guy showing interest in you, then restrict your talk to something related to your study or profession. As soon as the subject shifts, become visibly inattentive and purposively distracted. Shrug off queries that are not associated to your profession by stating: ‘I am sorry; I choose not to talk on that subject.’ If they persist and ask, ‘Why’ just say: ‘It’s my choice and I don’t feel compelled to give you reason for my choice.’ If the guy begins to share some of his personal problems with you, ask him to find some other person to confide in. To say so early enough, in the right tone of voice (low but firm) is being wise and appropriately assertive.
5. The Cell Phone Chats
Worldly Flirting Stratagem: The cell phone provides a non face-to-face setting that allows the mind to quickly move into the world of imagination and fantasy. It provides for an exclusive one-to-one conversation. For these simple reasons, people who talk little when they are physically face-to-face, tend to open up and confide more when they talk over the cell phone.
Proactive Protective Strategy: Don’t reply to unwanted messages. Don’t feel compelled to reply to chat invitations that pop up on your computer screen. Simply ignore them. Do not pick calls from guys whom you do not want to talk to. If you get repeated calls in a short span of time pick the call and ask why he called. May be it was something urgent that you needed to know. But if he had called ‘simply to talk’, tell him that you are not free and hang up. If he seeks to know why you didn’t pick the call simply tell him that you had other things to do.
6. The Verbal and Non-Verbal Cues:
Worldly Flirting Stratagem:
Verbal: The way you say something is far more important than what you say. Use a playful, sexy, and energetic voice. Don't be monotone, ladies. Use your sexiest and most sultry voice. Keep the conversation light, nothing serious or in-depth.
Non-Verbal: Positioning of the legs is an excellent way for women to convey interest. By sensuously touching yourself (hair, lips, bottom of neck/upper chest, etc.) or playfully grazing him with light touches and you can drive home the point that you're interested.
Proactive Protective Strategy: My daughter, watch the tone of your voice. Be serious. In Indian culture, you not have to shake hands unless it is offered to you. When you do have to shake hands with another person of the opposite sex, if he holds your hands for just a second too long, it is a definite signal. Do not let the touch linger. If a man comes by your desk and puts his hand on your arm or shoulder he is telling you something. When talking to a married couple, if you sense a little electricity in the air between the husband and you, direct your attention to his wife and even take an almost unnoticed step back from him. Therefore, my daughter, watch your own body movements and keep safe social distance.
7. The Compliments and the Smile:
Worldly Flirting Stratagem: Compliment the guys on the way he looks, the report he presented, etc. Solicit compliments on your dress, hairdo or presentation from the opposite sex.
Proactive Protective Strategy: My daughter, reserve your compliments for the same sex even if you think your compliments for the opposite sex are genuine and honest. Unfortunately we have to err on the safer side. Don’t go fishing for compliments from the opposite sex.
Worldly Flirting Stratagem: When someone has to make the first move the simplest and safest way to do that is to SMILE! It's a nice way of telling that you are interested without being so hanky.
Proactive Protective Strategy: The Bible exhorts us rejoice in the Lord in our inner being but never exhorts us to put on a cosmetic smile. Therefore, my daughter, reserve your smile only for a genuine and true expression of your inner emotions. The Scripture exhorts us to be sober minded. Remember the Lord Jesus Christ was one person who enjoyed a deep sense of inner joy and fulfilment in life, but the Bible says, his continence was that of a ‘man of sorrows’. A godly soberness shone on your face will keep you safe from many an unwanted assault.
8. The Hang Outs:
Worldly Flirting Stratagem: Great places to start flirting with guys are parties (social occasions, functions or celebrations), eat outs and hang outs, adventure trips, study tours, picnics, ice breaking games, participant sports/hobbies and spectator events.
Proactive Protective Strategy: Psalms 1 sheds a lot of insight on this. My daughter, to be where you ought not to be sets you in the danger zone. To be out and alone at a late hour is to put yourself at risk. If you have to go for an eat out with guys do so in uneven groups – either two guys and one girl or two girls and one guy, but never single out into exclusive pairs with the opposite sex. When you go out on a tour, where and with whom you choose to sit can make all the difference. Unless it is an emergency, avoid going on bikes with any guy.
To walk this path is to choose the narrow road. Rewards may not come instantly, but they will come for sure.
Despite all your best efforts, you will still be targeted at regular intervals by different guys/men each wanting to know how far you are available for them to take you for a ride.
My advice to you is that even if you are convinced that you are being targeted, avoid the usual knee-jerk reaction. You may feel out raged, but raving and ranting is not going to serve any purpose. Don’t get emotional and teary. Remain calm, take a deep breath and tell your harasser exactly how you feel. For example, it is not enough to just brush his hand off your back when he propels you forward at a meeting. Turn to him with a smile and say, ‘I’m sorry, but would you mind removing your hand from my back. I know you don’t mean any harm, but it makes me uncomfortable.’ If he stands too close to you in the lift or presses up against the back of your chair, don’t just edge away. Turn around, look him in the eye, and say, ‘I’m sure you don’t realise it but you are crowding me here. Do you mind standing back a little? I would really appreciate that.’
Remain as non-confrontational as possible. Keep your tone apologetic, to convey that you believe that his action is inadvertent rather than deliberate. Indicate by you body language that you don’t feel threatened by him. If he becomes defensive, assure him that you haven’t taken any offence. If he becomes aggressive – as some guys/men tend to do when confronted – don’t respond in kind. Just reiterate that you want to lay down some boundaries, so that there is no prospect of confusion and misunderstanding in future.
It is preferable if you do this one-on-one. That way, the issue remains between the two of you. He doesn’t lose face in front of his peers or his superiors. And if both sides display a modicum of maturity then the situation needn’t deteriorate any further. You can both tacitly agree to let bygones be bygones and go back to a cordial working relationship.
But if he persists in such behaviour, then you have no option but to up the ante. At this point you must take a trusted colleague or senior into confidence from the onset. Before you register a formal complaint, make sure you have sufficient evidence and witnesses to back you up.
In any social environment you have to behave the way you expect to be treated. It is better to be safe than sorry. From the very onset, if your behaviour sends out strong ‘don’t-mess-with-me’ vibes and if you have ensured you won’t be available in unsafe circumstances – you will establish for yourself a reputation that will go a long way in ensuring poised hassle free living in the discomfort zone.
In closing let me combine two verses (1Timothy 4:12; Philippians 2:15) of the Apostle Paul which tell us that the struggles at his time in history were no different:
‘Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.’
With loads of love,
Dad
27 March 2010
26 March 2010
PILGRIMS
PILGRIMS is a body of Bible believing Christians saved through the grace of God, united in Church fellowship, so that as a holy brotherhood, we may advocate the truth of God, proclaim the riches of His sovereign mercy to the lost and perishing, and by sympathy and counsel help one another in the Christ-like and heavenward life.
We believe it our privilege and duty, by the Spirit’s aid, to bear one another’s burdens, and in the exercise of a tender-hearted, tolerant, forgiving kindliness, to avoid everything of harsh and ungenerous criticism, recognising in each other, fellow members of that mystical Body of which our risen Saviour is the Head. We seek to maintain in primitive simplicity, purity of worship and communion. We regard as essential features in the teaching of our Lord Jesus Christ that redeemed souls should walk in the newness of life and holy separation from the world; and consider those only admissible to the Lord’s Table who profess their sins forgiven though the blood of Jesus Christ, and whose lives are in harmony with that great truth.
While desiring to extend to all believers the fullest and freest liberty of conscience, we require from all Church members an adhesion to the following doctrines of our faith as understood in a simple, straight forward and evangelical sense.
DOCTRINAL STATEMENT
The verbal plenary inspiration, sole authority and all sufficiency of the 66 books of the Bible, the monotheistic view of God, the Triunity of God, the personality and eternality of God, the sovereignty of God, the deity and humanity of Christ, the virgin birth of Christ, the sinlessness of Christ, the atoning death of Christ, the bodily resurrection of Christ, the return of Christ, the personality and the deity of the Holy Spirit, the literal creation of this universe, the creation of man in the divine image, the universal sinfulness of man ever since the fall of Adam rendering man subject to Gods wrath and condemnation, the eternal heaven and hell, salvation by grace through faith, the eternal security of believers, the eternal damnation of the unsaved, the indwelling, anointing and baptism of the Holy Spirit for all born again believers, the Church universal and local, the headship of Christ over the Church, the recognition of all who trust in Christ alone for salvation as members of the body of Christ and that the local church is the visible expression of that body, the ordinance of baptism of believers by immersion upon confession of personal faith, the ordinance of the Lord’s Supper, the prohibition of worship of men and angels (including Mary, the mother of Jesus), the absence of any mediator other than Christ between man and God, and the absolute absence of any opportunity for salvation after death.
POLICY STATEMENT
Except for the above fundamental doctrines, we hold that individuals and local churches have the liberty to hold differing views, provided that they hold their distictives in love and respect, agreeing to disagree and allowing differences of opinion and practice keep our spiritual perspective balanced. While remaining fully autonomous, we co-operate with likeminded churches on a voluntary basis. We believe that local churches should continue in separate corporate existence respecting each others separate identity and full independence. We encourage each church to confess without wavering all God’s truth known to her and therefore being associated with us involves no sacrifice of principle or testimony. In all joint gatherings of two or more local churches we insist that utmost care is taken to avoid subjects where difference of opinion exist between the groups. Instead emphasis is given on the several cardinal truths that we hold in common, Instead of large churches we encourage small gatherings to enhance intimacy of fellowship and personal care. We stand opposed to legalism and exclusivism.
REGISTRATION:
PILGRIMS came into being in 1990 and was registered as a Trust in 1991 (Reg. No. 139/91/IV, Ollukkara, Mannuthy 680651, Kerala) with jurisdiction throughout India. The Trust exercises no authority over the functioning of the local churches that voluntarily choose to be affiliated with it. This is so because we believe that local churches should continue in separate corporate existence respecting each others separate identity and full independence. The Trust cares for the registration of marriages, local cemetery needs and the Trust Document carries with it the Doctrinal and Policy Statement to which local churches proclaim allegiance. In the 20 years of its existence PILGRIMS has remained small by design and stayed away from further institutionalization.
We believe it our privilege and duty, by the Spirit’s aid, to bear one another’s burdens, and in the exercise of a tender-hearted, tolerant, forgiving kindliness, to avoid everything of harsh and ungenerous criticism, recognising in each other, fellow members of that mystical Body of which our risen Saviour is the Head. We seek to maintain in primitive simplicity, purity of worship and communion. We regard as essential features in the teaching of our Lord Jesus Christ that redeemed souls should walk in the newness of life and holy separation from the world; and consider those only admissible to the Lord’s Table who profess their sins forgiven though the blood of Jesus Christ, and whose lives are in harmony with that great truth.
While desiring to extend to all believers the fullest and freest liberty of conscience, we require from all Church members an adhesion to the following doctrines of our faith as understood in a simple, straight forward and evangelical sense.
DOCTRINAL STATEMENT
The verbal plenary inspiration, sole authority and all sufficiency of the 66 books of the Bible, the monotheistic view of God, the Triunity of God, the personality and eternality of God, the sovereignty of God, the deity and humanity of Christ, the virgin birth of Christ, the sinlessness of Christ, the atoning death of Christ, the bodily resurrection of Christ, the return of Christ, the personality and the deity of the Holy Spirit, the literal creation of this universe, the creation of man in the divine image, the universal sinfulness of man ever since the fall of Adam rendering man subject to Gods wrath and condemnation, the eternal heaven and hell, salvation by grace through faith, the eternal security of believers, the eternal damnation of the unsaved, the indwelling, anointing and baptism of the Holy Spirit for all born again believers, the Church universal and local, the headship of Christ over the Church, the recognition of all who trust in Christ alone for salvation as members of the body of Christ and that the local church is the visible expression of that body, the ordinance of baptism of believers by immersion upon confession of personal faith, the ordinance of the Lord’s Supper, the prohibition of worship of men and angels (including Mary, the mother of Jesus), the absence of any mediator other than Christ between man and God, and the absolute absence of any opportunity for salvation after death.
POLICY STATEMENT
Except for the above fundamental doctrines, we hold that individuals and local churches have the liberty to hold differing views, provided that they hold their distictives in love and respect, agreeing to disagree and allowing differences of opinion and practice keep our spiritual perspective balanced. While remaining fully autonomous, we co-operate with likeminded churches on a voluntary basis. We believe that local churches should continue in separate corporate existence respecting each others separate identity and full independence. We encourage each church to confess without wavering all God’s truth known to her and therefore being associated with us involves no sacrifice of principle or testimony. In all joint gatherings of two or more local churches we insist that utmost care is taken to avoid subjects where difference of opinion exist between the groups. Instead emphasis is given on the several cardinal truths that we hold in common, Instead of large churches we encourage small gatherings to enhance intimacy of fellowship and personal care. We stand opposed to legalism and exclusivism.
REGISTRATION:
PILGRIMS came into being in 1990 and was registered as a Trust in 1991 (Reg. No. 139/91/IV, Ollukkara, Mannuthy 680651, Kerala) with jurisdiction throughout India. The Trust exercises no authority over the functioning of the local churches that voluntarily choose to be affiliated with it. This is so because we believe that local churches should continue in separate corporate existence respecting each others separate identity and full independence. The Trust cares for the registration of marriages, local cemetery needs and the Trust Document carries with it the Doctrinal and Policy Statement to which local churches proclaim allegiance. In the 20 years of its existence PILGRIMS has remained small by design and stayed away from further institutionalization.
Mission: Evangelism or Social Action?
Extracted from the writings of John Stott
I suggest the need for a three fold recognition about evangelism and social action:
- Recognition that the two are partners in the Christian mission… ‘distinct yet equal’ partners. Neither in an excuse for the other, a cloak for the other, or a means to the other. Each exists in its own right as an expression of Christian love. Both should be included to some degree in every local churches programme
- Recognition that both are also every individual Christian’s responsibility. Every Christian is a witness, and must take whatever opportunities he is given. Every Christian is also a servant, and must respond to challenges to service, without regarding them as merely occasions for evangelism. Yet the existential situation will often assign priority to one or other of the two responsibilities. For example, the Good Samaritan’s ministry to the brigand’s victim was not to stuff tracts into his pocket but to pour oil into his wounds. For this was what the situation demanded.
- Recognition that, although both are part of the Church’s and the Christian’s duties, yet God calls different people to different ministries and endows them with appropriate gifts. This is a necessary deduction from the nature of the Church as Christ’s body. Although we should resist polarization between evangelism and social action, we should not resist specialization. Everybody cannot do everything. Some are called to be evangelists, others to be social workers, others to be political activist. Within each local church, which is the body of Christ in the locality committed to both evangelism and social action, there is a proper place for individual specialists and for specialist groups.
Yet the
God is GOOD. He is UNABLE to do EVIL
A R Peter shares…
Excerpts from an informal talk with students of the ICEU, Thrissur on 30th January 2010
I committed my life to Jesus Christ in late 1978 while I was a student of the Mar Athanasious College of Engineering, Kothamangalam. The Open Homes of the graduates there had a significant influence on me and I made a commitment to serve the Lord wherever He placed me. I had applied for a job at NSS College of Engineering, Palakkad but circumstances did not permit me to attend the interview. For some reason the rank list was cancelled and the interview had to be conducted all over again on a later date. I was selected without any political pressure or any unethical means. Thus I joined as a Lecturer in NSS College of Engineering, Palakkad.
The EGF at Palakad was a source of great encouragement to me. In those days in my Roman Catholic family none understood what I meant by claiming to be a born again believer. So when I insisted that I would marry a girl only with similar convictions, they could not understand it. God provided Shirley to be my wife. We got married in 1988 and together we started a home near the college campus.
Our home became a home away from home for many who studied at the NSS College of Engineering, Palakkad. Several camps and retreats were organized in our home. Boys would sometimes continue to stay till midnight asking questions and clarifying doubts. Open Home is a concept that cannot be taught theoretically, it can only be learned from practical observation. There was a believer girl from Buddhist background. She was shell shocked when she found Shirley using cane to discipline our children. Thus she realised that even believers' children had to be disciplined.
Four years ago I developed a nasal blockage and I was treated by an ENT surgeon for two years. The nasal drops to ease my congested nose helped me to have good sleep at night. But, one day I noticed a red shade of blood. The scan reports and biopsy revealed a major tumour had extended from the nose all its way into the outer membrane of brain. It was malignant third stage cancer. It was July 2008. ‘Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee’ was a verse that kept coming back to my mind and I experienced perfect peace amidst all these problems. I didn’t know the reference of this verse. I had probably seen this verse frequently on some calendar. Later on I found it was in Isaiah 26:3(KJV). I realised the value of memorising verses.
Chemotherapy gave me a vomiting tendency all day and night. I became physically very weak and internally very insecure due to nausea. Instead of shrinking, 5% growth took place in the tumour after chemotherapy. The only option now was to undergo a very risky surgery.
The doctors made it very explicit to me that it was a complicated case. But because I had the assurance of salvation, I knew that if I die I would be in the presence of God – and that was in fact a better place to live. Shirley was a committed home maker and I was the only earning member of the family. But I had no anxiety about their future because, it was God who had sustained my family this far. The same God was capable of sustaining my family even in my absence. God had not changed. It was the unchangeable attributes of God that strengthened me during those difficult days. God CAN NOT do any evil. That is different from saying that God WILL NOT do evil. The truth is that God is UNABLE to do evil. If God has permitted this in my life, it is because He has foreseen some GOOD to accrue from it. (Romans 8:28). A child safe in the mothers’ arms doesn’t have to be anxious when crossing a busy road. Likewise I rested in the knowledge that my God was able and in full control. I was never led to ask, ‘Why me?’
I experienced the communion of the universal church: believers whom I still do not know and whom I had never seen were praying for me all over the world. I know you will not believe it, but neither my beloved wife nor my three young children broke down at any point of time during all this. I believe they were being kept by the special grace of God. With a smile on his face, my elder son, bid farewell to me as I was rolled on trolley into the operation theatre.
The chain prayers supported 10½ hour surgery involving two teams of doctors working simultaneously: one team working through my nose and the other team through my skull. The skin of head was slided to the front; the skull sawed open, all extensions of the tumour carefully removed - all this had to be done ensuring that my brain remained in its natural environs surrounded by pressurised fluid. The orbit bone above my left eye had to be reconstructed; a titanium plate placed instead of the disintegrated part of skull, and a skin graft from my thigh was used to patch up the hole made in the membrane surrounding the brain. During all these procedures if one nerve was mistakenly damaged, the consequences would have been life long – paralysis or disfigurement of my face. It is now with so much meaning I am able to join the Psalmist to say to the ‘Lord: I praise You; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are marvellous and my soul knows it very well.’ (Psalms 139:14). I even marvelled at the medical fraternity’s ability to undertake such complex procedures. But ultimately it was God who controlled the entire procedure.
Post Operative Radiation was in fact worse than the Chemotherapy and the Surgery. I understood the depth of verses like ‘My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and My tongue clings to My jaws’ (Psalms 22:15) with fresh meaning. My mouth was full of blisters. I was on morphine for one full month – asleep day in and day out. I would throw up any liquids I tried to take in. As days become months, Shirley had to prepare 12 meals a day for me – each time boiling fresh vegetables, grinding them, filtering the soup and feeding me at 1½ hour intervals. For six months I was on liquid food alone. It was a big strain for her, but not once did I see any expression of complaint or hear a word of murmur from her.
Today my salivary glands are not fully functional. I have to keep wetting my mouth with water frequently when I speak. I always carry a bottle of water in my pocket. I have completely lost my sense of smell. Most of us do not realise how much the sense of smell and taste are interrelated. Because I have no smell, I have only very little taste.
A few months before I became sick I had attended a funeral where the preacher spoke from Acts 13:26 ‘For after he had served his own generation by the will of God, David fell asleep and was buried with his fathers.’ I am able to relate the lessons I learnt from all that I went through with that verse. I learned that we can serve God only in our generation. We ought to serve the Lord in accordance to Gods will and not doing our will. The time we have to serve God is not unlimited. A time will come when each one of us will have to die and cease from our labour. When I became sick and bed-ridden I was not affected by depression or regret. The memories of being active in the Lord's work while I was healthy, kept me from being regretful.
God granted me the opportunity to share the gospel to several non-believers who came to see me while I was recuperating. My colleagues in College have divided my course work amongst them and they do not permit me to strain. I marvel at how much God has provided for me.
Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, from all that I have had to go through, I have come out with a far deeper understanding of who God is and this is what I have to say to you: (1) Give thanks for the health that you now have. You will realise its value only when some organ of your body becomes dysfunctional. (2) Serve the Lord when you are able. A time will come when you will not be able. Every minute is precious; every minute counts (3) God is GOOD. He is UNABLE to do evil.
(You can send your feedback. That could be an encouragement: A. R. Peter 9446127500 or arpeter1059@gmail.com)
Excerpts from an informal talk with students of the ICEU, Thrissur on 30th January 2010
I committed my life to Jesus Christ in late 1978 while I was a student of the Mar Athanasious College of Engineering, Kothamangalam. The Open Homes of the graduates there had a significant influence on me and I made a commitment to serve the Lord wherever He placed me. I had applied for a job at NSS College of Engineering, Palakkad but circumstances did not permit me to attend the interview. For some reason the rank list was cancelled and the interview had to be conducted all over again on a later date. I was selected without any political pressure or any unethical means. Thus I joined as a Lecturer in NSS College of Engineering, Palakkad.
The EGF at Palakad was a source of great encouragement to me. In those days in my Roman Catholic family none understood what I meant by claiming to be a born again believer. So when I insisted that I would marry a girl only with similar convictions, they could not understand it. God provided Shirley to be my wife. We got married in 1988 and together we started a home near the college campus.
Our home became a home away from home for many who studied at the NSS College of Engineering, Palakkad. Several camps and retreats were organized in our home. Boys would sometimes continue to stay till midnight asking questions and clarifying doubts. Open Home is a concept that cannot be taught theoretically, it can only be learned from practical observation. There was a believer girl from Buddhist background. She was shell shocked when she found Shirley using cane to discipline our children. Thus she realised that even believers' children had to be disciplined.
Four years ago I developed a nasal blockage and I was treated by an ENT surgeon for two years. The nasal drops to ease my congested nose helped me to have good sleep at night. But, one day I noticed a red shade of blood. The scan reports and biopsy revealed a major tumour had extended from the nose all its way into the outer membrane of brain. It was malignant third stage cancer. It was July 2008. ‘Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee’ was a verse that kept coming back to my mind and I experienced perfect peace amidst all these problems. I didn’t know the reference of this verse. I had probably seen this verse frequently on some calendar. Later on I found it was in Isaiah 26:3(KJV). I realised the value of memorising verses.
Chemotherapy gave me a vomiting tendency all day and night. I became physically very weak and internally very insecure due to nausea. Instead of shrinking, 5% growth took place in the tumour after chemotherapy. The only option now was to undergo a very risky surgery.
The doctors made it very explicit to me that it was a complicated case. But because I had the assurance of salvation, I knew that if I die I would be in the presence of God – and that was in fact a better place to live. Shirley was a committed home maker and I was the only earning member of the family. But I had no anxiety about their future because, it was God who had sustained my family this far. The same God was capable of sustaining my family even in my absence. God had not changed. It was the unchangeable attributes of God that strengthened me during those difficult days. God CAN NOT do any evil. That is different from saying that God WILL NOT do evil. The truth is that God is UNABLE to do evil. If God has permitted this in my life, it is because He has foreseen some GOOD to accrue from it. (Romans 8:28). A child safe in the mothers’ arms doesn’t have to be anxious when crossing a busy road. Likewise I rested in the knowledge that my God was able and in full control. I was never led to ask, ‘Why me?’
I experienced the communion of the universal church: believers whom I still do not know and whom I had never seen were praying for me all over the world. I know you will not believe it, but neither my beloved wife nor my three young children broke down at any point of time during all this. I believe they were being kept by the special grace of God. With a smile on his face, my elder son, bid farewell to me as I was rolled on trolley into the operation theatre.
The chain prayers supported 10½ hour surgery involving two teams of doctors working simultaneously: one team working through my nose and the other team through my skull. The skin of head was slided to the front; the skull sawed open, all extensions of the tumour carefully removed - all this had to be done ensuring that my brain remained in its natural environs surrounded by pressurised fluid. The orbit bone above my left eye had to be reconstructed; a titanium plate placed instead of the disintegrated part of skull, and a skin graft from my thigh was used to patch up the hole made in the membrane surrounding the brain. During all these procedures if one nerve was mistakenly damaged, the consequences would have been life long – paralysis or disfigurement of my face. It is now with so much meaning I am able to join the Psalmist to say to the ‘Lord: I praise You; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are marvellous and my soul knows it very well.’ (Psalms 139:14). I even marvelled at the medical fraternity’s ability to undertake such complex procedures. But ultimately it was God who controlled the entire procedure.
Post Operative Radiation was in fact worse than the Chemotherapy and the Surgery. I understood the depth of verses like ‘My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and My tongue clings to My jaws’ (Psalms 22:15) with fresh meaning. My mouth was full of blisters. I was on morphine for one full month – asleep day in and day out. I would throw up any liquids I tried to take in. As days become months, Shirley had to prepare 12 meals a day for me – each time boiling fresh vegetables, grinding them, filtering the soup and feeding me at 1½ hour intervals. For six months I was on liquid food alone. It was a big strain for her, but not once did I see any expression of complaint or hear a word of murmur from her.
Today my salivary glands are not fully functional. I have to keep wetting my mouth with water frequently when I speak. I always carry a bottle of water in my pocket. I have completely lost my sense of smell. Most of us do not realise how much the sense of smell and taste are interrelated. Because I have no smell, I have only very little taste.
A few months before I became sick I had attended a funeral where the preacher spoke from Acts 13:26 ‘For after he had served his own generation by the will of God, David fell asleep and was buried with his fathers.’ I am able to relate the lessons I learnt from all that I went through with that verse. I learned that we can serve God only in our generation. We ought to serve the Lord in accordance to Gods will and not doing our will. The time we have to serve God is not unlimited. A time will come when each one of us will have to die and cease from our labour. When I became sick and bed-ridden I was not affected by depression or regret. The memories of being active in the Lord's work while I was healthy, kept me from being regretful.
God granted me the opportunity to share the gospel to several non-believers who came to see me while I was recuperating. My colleagues in College have divided my course work amongst them and they do not permit me to strain. I marvel at how much God has provided for me.
Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, from all that I have had to go through, I have come out with a far deeper understanding of who God is and this is what I have to say to you: (1) Give thanks for the health that you now have. You will realise its value only when some organ of your body becomes dysfunctional. (2) Serve the Lord when you are able. A time will come when you will not be able. Every minute is precious; every minute counts (3) God is GOOD. He is UNABLE to do evil.
(You can send your feedback. That could be an encouragement: A. R. Peter 9446127500 or arpeter1059@gmail.com)
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