Names are withheld for privacy
Feedback 1: This young woman works in a male dominated corporate office in Pune
The undercurrent of sexual harassment is rampant and I am confronted with difficult situations on a daily basis at my work place. Male colleagues, young, middle aged and even old, from all levels in the hierarchy try to flirt. I have adopted a policy of avoidance rather than confrontation, partly because I work in a male dominated company.
If men colleagues say or ask something that was uncalled for or inappropriate, I act as if I never heard it and I just walk away. I don’t bother to reply to their unwarranted questions.
Once when a colleague called me up to inform about an official meeting, he addressed me, ‘Hi dear’ and ended with ‘Thanks dear’. Since then I have avoided picking up his calls outside office hours. I give him a call on his extension number when I get back to office and use minimum words in my talk to him.
Our company uniform for women employees is very modest and decent. It is loose and does not cling to the body. It is zipped right up to the neck and made of thick non-see through fabric and yet when some men colleagues talk to me, instead of looking to my eyes their stare lingers elsewhere on my body and that makes me feel very uncomfortable.
If there has to be some discussion in a cubicle in front of one PC, I always make sure that I allow the men to sit on the chair in front of the PC and try to maintain a minimum one arm distance with them. I have noticed that many men use this opportunity just to crowd on to the women.
During meetings with officials from other companies, we often have to shake hands with them. Unless offered, I don’t shake hands. Interestingly, I have observed that officials from other countries like US, UK and Japan are more sensitive to the Indian culture and just say, ‘hello’ while not all Indian men are like that.
When I go for lunch to the canteen, some male colleagues from other departments tease me by pairing me up with a male colleague two years older to me. I again act as if I have not heard the teasing.
I make it a point to go for lunch only with the two other women employees in my department. If I know in advance that both of them are going to be on leave, I bring a lunch pack from home and eat alone while everyone else goes to the canteen. If I have to take a consultant who has come for a discussion for lunch, I ask one of my male colleagues to take him for lunch. When I go to the canteen, I always sit in such a way that I don’t have to face the crowd, but rather sit close to and facing the exit door. During the tea breaks, I either go very early or very late to the cafe to avoid unnecessary chats.
Attempts to flirt continue even beyond office hours. While walking towards office or returning from office if I find someone whom I don’t prefer is trying to catch up with me, I take out my cell phone and call up a friend.
As a policy I never take a pillion ride on a guy’s motor bike. Many guys have had a big time offense when I made this policy known to them. I avoid going for treats/hang outs/movies etc. I also avoid official parties if I have to stay after 7.30 pm.
Once a senior male single colleague met me near the company provisional stores and asked me if I can cook a dish for him. I told him up front that I will not and that he could do it all by himself. This senior had tried showing special interest in me before, but after this incident he stopped doing so.
Another senior male colleague of mine kept calling me during my training period. I never used to call him back. Once he asked me why I don’t call him and I told him straight that I don’t have any reason to call him. After that he also stopped calling me. I am extra cautious with those who ‘act’ extra polite and extra caring to women. It has saved me a lot of trouble.
Remaining visible online after office hours invites unnecessary chats. I make sure that my internet settings are such that I will be invisible online.
I play badminton every morning; but I don’t play with guys. Initially some guys had come and tried to join me for a game…but I would just stop, allow them to play and leave the place. I have told my women partners that I do not want to play with guys.
I have now understood that men are testing the waters to find out how far I would oblige them. If I send out the ‘Don’t try messing up with me’ signals early, they get the message and simply back out. In my college days, I failed to give these signals early enough and hence ended up in a lot of unwanted trouble. The Lord has taught me from my mistakes and I am still learning.
Feedback 2: This young woman works in one of India’s best IT companies and is placed in Bangalore
Thank you for letting me know of your blog…I actually started reading the posts on Principled Romance and then got hooked... :)...I love reading and like to read good stuff that builds me even more...I found the post on Principled Romance on Asha and Ashish's steps towards keeping their conversations focused on Christ very challenging... Will see how much the Couples Bible study, a book study, regular and consistent prayer, prayer for a common burden, etc....can be incorporated into my daily conversations with my would-be too. (By the way I asked him to log on to your blog too!). Do pray that God will help us implement such life-giving ideas in our conversations.
While reading through the remaining articles, I picked Balancing Family and Ministry as my favourite one. In this fast IT world that I live this is the need of the hour. I see around me believing families where the father is either absent or he is physically present but lost inside his computer. This message is the need of the hour… Actually the IT world has resulted in virtually 'orphaned' children (when both parents work) or 'single parent homes' (where one parent stays at home). The parents are busy...busy...busy...no time....deadlines to meet....Even at home he is on his mobile or lost in his laptop. This is what is happening even in believing homes and I feel terrible to see it. A godly generation cannot be raised by us if we have no time for our children. It is the beat of my heart to drive this point home to my friends and in every study that I go to....but very few seem to understand. I am so glad to see you put it out so clearly. It is a language that IT engineers do not understand. Do pray for us....and for many more couples like us to take the right decisions which will help us invest time in our homes. I see I have preached enough. It’s just that this topic is one that pulls at the strings of my heart. I know what it means to have an absent father...after all… my dad was busy in his pursuit of money while my mom, sister and me toughed it out here all alone...
Could not resist telling you that the Celebrating Differences post was classic....;) ...the first paragraph had me in splits...It is so difficult to stop trying to change each other and celebrate differences. I know this in theory but find it difficult to put it in practice. Hope I will learn with God's help.
Your post on Ragging too was good…real strong stand you took in college I must say…
The Secret of Truly Victorious Christian life: The point on God not punishing us - getting even with us - for our sins was striking. I have this problem seriously since at home we were always punished for all the wrongs we did. It is so difficult to make myself believe that something bad happening to me is not God punishing me for some old sin. Even the verse on reaping what you sow, being jerked out of context was real new. Just realized it was said in the light of financially sowing into God's kingdom. The sin treadmill was another new idea....I go on it very often.
Ordering Your Personal Finances - another good one...The comments on differentiating being workaholic and hard working was good. Very practical on various fronts...loved reading it and learning... :) Drawing the lines between Needs, Wants and Desires was another key article...
The tips in your post on Living in the Discomfort Zone will be real handy for your daughter as she enters into the corporate world. I know well what I see in my office in the garb of harmless coffee chats. I myself learned much from my own errors and mistakes...sometimes, despite knowing things, I played with my boundaries and learned my lessons the hard way…must say it was Gods grace that kept me in this world full of temptations.
The article on Modesty of Dress was strong and straight to the point....it reminded me of how careful I must be…can't make an excuse when I get up there, saying… 'I did not know'. It’s my job to be aware and to take pains not to be a stumbling block at work or anywhere else. It is a great message and a much needed one today...do let me know whenever you update your blog…I will surely read...I like the stuff there.
