I was born and brought up as a Non Resident Indian. My wife, Soly, was born and brought up in conservative rural Kerala. I am comfortable with English. Soly prefers Malayalam. So our conversations are almost always bilingual. I like to talk systematically, rationally and logically. Soly rightly believes that the rules of diplomatic apologetics need not apply on husband-wife conversations. My biological clock is such that I am most alive and kicking from 9 pm onwards. I could go on doing productive work well beyond mid night. But I wake up late. Soly, on the other hand is the early to bed and early to wake type. While she would be up very early in the morning, going full throttle on routine household chores, I would be snoring off to glory! I like fresh salads and boiled vegetables. Soly likes those foods which have been cooked laboriously with coconut fried, ground and made into a paste. I enjoy soft melancholic instrumental music. When Soly hears that music she would ask: who had died for there to be so much of mourning in the house! I operate in such a manner that I am always very early for an appointment. Soly believes in Japanese style ‘just in time’ or German style ‘before it’s too late’ arrivals. I believe that the tooth paste tube is to be pressed from bottom up. Soly believes it’s the fat portion of the tube has been specifically designed to be pressed! And so it can go on and on… the differences between us are plenty, but we are married 20 years now and still going strong!
Whether a couples differences are hereditary, cultural, environmental or Gods design doesn’t really matter much. What does matter is that the two marriage partners learn to accept the differences in order to have a harmonious marriage relationship. Each difference is really quite minor in and of itself, but as the differences accumulate they often become sources of irritation. Many people seem to feel that differences in marriage are simply to be endured. In fact, “incompatibility” is one of the most frequent excuses for divorce.
What we would like you to do is to sit down with your wife or husband and list all the differences you have between you. Then have a meeting with the Lord Jesus Christ when you present your lists to Him. Thank Him for making your mate so different, so he or she can be a completer to you by adding strengths you don’t have. When you celebrate the differences, your marriage will take on a whole new meaning, and conflicts over differences will begin to fade away as you accept each other right where you are. Give up the old game of trying to bring about change in your spouse. There is only one person that you can change and that’s none other than yourself! Let us enjoy and celebrate the differences!
(This article was written by me as Chairperson, Regional Executive Team, Urban India Ministry, Kerala for its News Letter in 2008)
Whether a couples differences are hereditary, cultural, environmental or Gods design doesn’t really matter much. What does matter is that the two marriage partners learn to accept the differences in order to have a harmonious marriage relationship. Each difference is really quite minor in and of itself, but as the differences accumulate they often become sources of irritation. Many people seem to feel that differences in marriage are simply to be endured. In fact, “incompatibility” is one of the most frequent excuses for divorce.
What we would like you to do is to sit down with your wife or husband and list all the differences you have between you. Then have a meeting with the Lord Jesus Christ when you present your lists to Him. Thank Him for making your mate so different, so he or she can be a completer to you by adding strengths you don’t have. When you celebrate the differences, your marriage will take on a whole new meaning, and conflicts over differences will begin to fade away as you accept each other right where you are. Give up the old game of trying to bring about change in your spouse. There is only one person that you can change and that’s none other than yourself! Let us enjoy and celebrate the differences!
(This article was written by me as Chairperson, Regional Executive Team, Urban India Ministry, Kerala for its News Letter in 2008)
