This two part series is based on true stories of believing students in Kerala during July-August 2009. Only the names have been changed to protect the identity of those concerned. Part 1 is a case in the right direction, while Part 2 is a case gone wrong.
Documented below are extracts from the email correspondence:
Anu to her Mentor: Let me tell what has been happening in my life. Jacob Uncle, my Dad’s best friend back in Toronto, Canada brought a proposal for me to my Dad. When Dad asked me, I told him that I wanted to pursue research and that I was not at all interested in getting married now. Later we came to know that the proposed guy’s older brother, Sunil Uncle, was a member of our church.
A month later Jacob Uncle came home – he comes to India every year and on every visit he makes it a point to spend time with my Dad. It so happened that this time the guy he had proposed, Anil had also come to India on leave and was staying with his brother, Sunil. We didn’t know that Anil was here…it was all a coincidence…he came to church…and I met him there. I was shabbily dressed and my hair was completely messed up. After the church service, Jacob Uncle and my Dad asked Sunil and Anil to come home. Since I was least interested in this proposal, I didn’t even care to wash my face or comb my hair even after reaching home.
Anil and I talked for about 10 minutes. He told me that his mom had passed away while he was a kid and that his Dad did not remarry and raised the three kids all alone. He said he had visited my Orkut profile. That was all we talked. It was my first ‘pennukanal’ and I was nervous… but he made me feel so comfortable and cracked jokes in between. After they left my Mom said she liked the guy and that he was humble and soft spoken. I sent him a friend request on Orkut and Face book. He accepted it and we started chatting. I gave him my cell number and he started calling me up. We used to chat late into the nights and some times early in the morning whenever we got time. He was in Kerala for one month. I met him on Sundays but we couldn’t talk at all. Later on we thought of meeting somewhere. He had to go for shopping but he did not know the places here. Sunil Uncle was busy to take him around and so he asked me whether I could come out with him. I do not know from where I got the courage… I said ‘yes’. I have never ever gone out with someone before. He had to buy some wall hangings and verses. We first met at the Reliance Mall and then went to the Christian Book stall. He bought some stuff and also bought me a copy of ‘Daily Bread’ devotional book. I still read it everyday. The next day also, I managed to get out of my house and we went shopping together. We went to a café and drank from the same cup. Anil was my first date! I felt so good when I saw him or talked to him and I wanted to be with him. I thought we would loose contact when he returned to Toronto. But then he rang me up before leaving…again rang me up when he reached New York… and again he rang me up on his way home… Uncle…I felt so special… I mean I had never sensed such closeness before... He still calls me up every week and we talk for half an hour. We meet on skype and video chat or we meet on yahoo messenger or Gtalk. He has told me about his affairs way back in school. I have also told him about my crushes and stuff. I don’t know whether you have noticed, but I have a squint for one of my eyes… I’ve told him about this and he was the first person to say that it isn’t a big deal and that no one is perfect. He made me feel so good all the time. Sometimes he looses his temper but always regains his patience at the same pace. What I like the most about him is that he is what he is… he never pretends…at least that is what I think.
My Mom and Dad know that I am still in touch with him… but they don’t know anything else. Two weeks ago, my Mom asked Sunil Uncle’s wife whether they’re planning to proceed with my proposal. In reply, she was told that it is difficult to survive in the Canada with a single person’s salary and so Anil’s Dad prefers a Nursing graduate.
Anil told me that he is getting a lot of proposals and he is rejecting everything. The same is happening with me too. Anil will come to Kerala again by December. I told him that I cannot hold on for long and that he should decide something. He said he doesn’t have any guarantee in his case and told me not to reject any more proposals. At the same time he sometimes gives me hope… I really don’t know what is in his mind… may be he is hiding something from me. His parents and brothers don’t know that we’re still in touch. My parents do… but they have absolutely no clue on how close we are….
Mentor to Anu:
I appreciate that you opened up on what you are going through and I would like you to continue to update me as it is very important for your own emotional well being that you have someone to reflect your thoughts. There are a few things that concern me:
1.You should have taken your parents into greater confidence. So much has happened behind their backs.
2.Going out alone as an exclusive pair was a mistake. It was premature.
3.Anil should not have raked up emotions in you if he did not have the commitment to marry you. He just can’t walk away after having taken the initiative to get so close. That is not right.
4.I would not like you to leave everything to circumstances. I think you should actively pursue a firm commitment from Anil rather than remain passive about it.
5.Moreover, if he is definitely not interested in taking your proposal forward, the earlier you get to know about it the better for all concerned.
6.Therefore, I suggest that you do some straight taking with Anil rather than waste your time directionless.
A few days later, Anu to her Mentor:
Uncle, let me tell you what happened. I asked Anil sternly whether he liked me or not. Anil replied that if he did not like me, he would never have spent so much of his time and money to contact me. So I told him to tell his Dad that he likes me and wants to proceed with my proposal. He didn’t respond for a while. Then I finally told him that I am in love with him. (I now regret having said that )
After a long silence…he told me: ‘This is not going to work out’. I asked him: ‘Why?’ He said he needs to tell me something but really doesn’t know how to say it… I thought he was going to propose to me… but then he told me that he had an affair with another girl who was in the USA. I took it lightly ... I told him that I too had crushes back in my school days. But then Anil went on to say that when we had started talking for long hours and when he spent more time with me than her, he began to forget her…but when he went returned to Canada, she rang him up everyday… initially he ignored her calls… but latter he started attending her calls because he felt guilty: It was he who had proposed to her first and given her hope. So now he didn’t feel like dumping her for me...Her name was Betsy. She was doing her final year graduation in nursing in the USA... it was not his Dad who wanted a nursing graduate, it was Anil himself.
Uncle, I was shattered when I realised, that Anil was not kidding when he told me that he had an affair with this girl. I am sort of recovering from that huge blow, by the grace of God. It is terrible. Unbearable.
Mentor:
I don’t have any questions. I understand. It is very, very painful. The pain will equal the death of a loved one. Cry. Wet your pillow with tears. All that I can say to you now is that God saved you from someone who seems to have a heart that was quick to turn to many girls. Therefore, find comfort in God who only can understand you fully and who has loved you with an eternal love. Learn the lessons from the mistakes you have made and move forward. My heart goes out for you. God will make a way, in His time.
Anu:
Uncle, I am better now. It is really hard to forget Anil and the times we spend together…I am trying hard to forget it …I have moved to the hostel, so that I can get more involved with my studies and work and thus forget him. But I don’t know why, I still have a hope that he will come back to me… hoping against hope. I am not in touch with him as before…He rang me up two days ago…I can’t ignore his calls, Uncle… I swear I can’t… I tried a lot…and I am still trying and some day I might get over it…
Anils email to Anu:
You now know that I fell in love with Betsy before I met you. I hope you understand my situation. Dates for my marriage with Betsy has been finalized. You have been a great friend to me. Please don’t hate me. You deserve somebody 100x better than me.
Shattered again Anu called up her mentor and broke down. After long sessions of talk, sobs and heartache, Anu with the help of her mentor wrote this reply to Anil:
Hi again, but for one last time…
I am writing this mail to release all my bottled up emotions and set myself free from the hurtful feelings I am experiencing because of all that has happened.
With every call and chat we became closer…I was scared at first…but then I prayed “if it’s not God's will, it should end it here." Against all odds everything went on well and nothing stopped me from contacting you... at that point of time I really believed and hoped that this was God's will for me...I thought you had the same feelings for me too... if not, you wouldn’t have come out with me and wouldn’t have spent your time and money to contact me…I really, really thought you liked me…
Never in my wildest dream did I think that you had another affair… if you did, you wouldn’t have spent so much time with me... with my whole heart, I apologize for everything I shouldn’t have said or done… you could've at least given me a hint about your affair ... I would have backed out at once for sure…
I feel so stupid now… I have made a big fool out of myself... there are lot of questions in my mind… why did this have to happen to me? Sometimes God doesn’t make sense at all... I am in a state of numbness… there are thousands of people dying everyday and sometimes I wish I was one of them... Please don’t ever take a girl for a ride and dump her…it is terrible.
You have been kind to me in your last mail. I hope it will continue to be so…that whenever we speak of each other we would hold each other in the highest honour not be guilty of maligning each other in our communications with others.
Yes, we have memories of a great friendship, but for your good, my good, Betsy’s good, for the health of your marriage and mine (if ever…) all that great friendship has to stop right here and now. It is a clean break…with no turning back (Hebrews 11:15) …this will be my last letter to you ... the reason I requested you not to call me is because I am fragile…the only way you can help me now is to stop all forms of communication with me…even if I in my vulnerability attempt to get in touch with you by any means, please , for heavens sake and for my own sake please do not respond … I am weak…it will take a lot of time for me to get over this …if it doesn’t end here...I may never recover…please help me by not initiating any form of communication with me…not even in reply to this mail. Am not angry with you ...I have prayed for you and Betsy ... am not exaggerating…I pray that if you both were meant to be together, then nothing on earth should separate you... Have a happy married life... God bless you both... Regards, Anu.
Post Script:
Anu bunked class, skipped lunch and shut herself up in her hostel room to shed tears. Her mentor called up often and listened to her silence, her sighs and her ‘Why me?’ questions. That afternoon the hostel was closing down for Onam holidays. Anu had to go home, but it was so evident on her face that her tear glands had no more tears to shed. On her way home Anu stepped into a beauty parlour for a Henna facial. After an early dinner in the kitchen, she retired to her own bedroom in the pretext of feeling tired and sleepy. She lay down on her bed and with a blank stare skimmed through the book she felt would make sense to her: ‘Veronica decided to die’ by Paulo Coelho.
